Every day I drive 40 miles one way to work, the drive becomes monotonous and my mind begins to wander.   Sometimes I have my best ideas on my drive home from work.  I’ll turn the radio off and just listen to the noise of the road.   Recently, my mind has been wandering to the ‘what if’s’ of my life’s past.  The relationships, friendships, jobs, choices, etc.

I feel a myriad of emotions from anger, heartache, sadness, frustration, and even guilt.   I think of the friends I used to have, the relationships that went bad, the path I’ve been on, and even of some of the memories that I’ve forgotten.

I think about if my life would have been different if that one guy didn’t break up with me by leaving my stuff in my car.   I think about the day that I didn’t answer the phone calls of a friend…and the next time I saw him was at his funeral.   The “What if’s” are what I think about…what if I had changed his plans?  What if I was with him…would I be gone too?  What if I had never met him?  

What if I grew up in a small town? What if I had focused on college the first time around?  What if I didn’t get that job or take that promotion?  What if I didn’t resign?  What if I said this to her, acted sooner, kept my mouth shut – said yes instead of no? 

Almost like a tv drama, a song was instantly stuck in my head and I started to sing “some of God’s greatest gifts…are unanswered prayers.”   I laughed out loud.  Garth Brooks is one of my favorite artists but I haven’t listened to his music for a few months.  Obviously I needed to pay closer attention to the lessons I have learned in life and understand there is a reason for everything.   The adversity and choices I have made in my life have given me reasons to grow and change.  

I am thankful for those unanswered prayers, for life’s lessons about  heartache, loss, mistakes, and challenges.   

By having bad friends, I can recognize and appreciate the great friends.  From the boyfriends who broke my heart, I learned what was important to me in a relationship and how fragile love can be.  What if I wasn’t in that one place, at that one time, and his friend didn’t like my friend…I may not have been married to the same man and I don’t like the sound of that. 

For everything I have been through, the experiences that have shaped my life, have allowed me to understand and appreciate the gifts that I have now.